The Marriage Sheet between Lebanon and USA

Salma Raydan

ESLINTG-100

Nov. 2, 2011

The Marriage Sheet between Lebanon and USA

I still remember the day when my brother came home and told my parents that he had proposed to his girlfriend and they had arranged everything about the wedding. As much as we were happy for him, this hurt us for many reasons. In Lebanon dating and marriage have special traditions and we have to follow the rules, so we cannot just choose a girl/boyfriend to date then suddenly decide to marry this person without asking the elders. The concept of marriage and dating is much different between Lebanon and the United States because these two countries have their own tradition and culture.

In Lebanon the idea of dating is so strange. In our culture a man cannot be with a woman by himself with nobody else. Nowadays, the idea is beginning to change, and the two lovers could go out for dinner, but they should get permission from their parents. And usually there should be another person with them when they are going out. On the other hand, in the USA they could go out dating, and after the age of eighteen they could live together with no marriage and the parents have no right to interfere. In Lebanon if a girl was seen in a man’s apartment, that means that they slept together and he should marry her as soon as possible to save the family’s honor. In contrast, in the United States this is something very normal and Americans do celebrate the age when she could have her right about sleeping with the man she wanted to sleep with, and the “sweet sixteen” is considered a special occasion for any teenager girl.

Another issue in Lebanon that has many arguments in the families these days is arranged marriages. The marriage before a few decades could not happen without the permission of the elders, and usually the father would choose the next wife for his son. In addition the girl had no chance for negotiation if the father or the grandfather decided whom she will marry. And here it came out the old stories and the poems about the eyes of love, when the lovers could not speak or touch each other, so they just looked to each other from distance, and would have a little talk on the water sink while she brought water in the jar. But these stories did not end up normally. At the end the two lovers would decide to escape together and run away. A s soon they were caught, however, the girl would pay the price by her death.

These days the idea of arranged marriage is beginning to disappear with the new generation, which makes a huge struggle between the family’s members. On the flip side, the United States will protect the girl and would not allow the father or the brother to kill her for such a reason. In addition marriages are no longer arranged. This land is a blessed one to the people who had find true love, because the most families and the society are more comfortable with the marriage based on love.

When the relation has ripped apart, the two partners will start to arrange to their wedding. And here the stress begins, the planning nights and the non-relaxed days. These feelings like you are swinging from one side to another are common between the two countries. However, Lebanon has his own special way. From my hometown, I will describe the way we celebrate our wedding parties. The first thing is the number of people and usually it exceeds eight hundred people.

The invitation cards will be distributed one week before the date. The celebration differs between the Christian and the Druze community. For the Christians, the celebration is quite similar as it is here in the USA, in the church and the party at night.

But for the Druze community, it is different. The groom’s family will join together at the groom’s parents’ house, and they will take him to one of his best friend’s house’s to help him dress beautiful. After that he will go with the family and friends to the bride’s house. Then he will ask the permission to take her from her father.

Then they will go back to the groom’s house to have a lunch, and then the party will be at night. After the party, if they are from strict families, the mother in law on the both sides will wait outside the bride’s room to take the honor sheet. It should be bloodied to demonstrate the bride’s honor, and to identify that this is her first time with a man. In the old days, they used to hang the sheet on the groom’s parents door. On the other hand, the wedding in the USA is much simple, where the people in the wedding would be not more than a three hundred. The party here is more arranged and the goal is to make the bride and the groom relax. The groom will wait for her at the church, and then they will have a party at night. The only sheet that they will be proud of is their married sheet paper.

Whatever the rules, and it does not matter the tradition, the most important thing is that two people should not marry unless the love fills their hearts. Marriage is the first brick for the family, and if it was fractured, the family could break down on the first exam. Honor is so essential in our lives. But nobody could have the right to judge a woman’s life, even if she lost her virginity for any reason. Honor means to be respectful, to be loyal to your partner and to have a strong united family. I will allow my girl to date her lover, to go out with him, in the American way. But I cannot skip my traditional way of thinking; I will not give her my permission to date her lover to the extreme, like to sleep with him. This tradition should be maintained. This is her choice, and this is the generation conflict. At the end, the goal in our society, wherever in Lebanon or in the USA, is to build a good strong family for a better future.