Lost Friend

by Loi Im Pan

        It has been almost one year since I came to United States from Hong Kong. Living in two cities, Chicago and Hong Kong, is not really similar although both have large populations.  It has been very difficult for me to make friends in Chicago like I had in Hong Kong because this is a brand new city for me. Currently, both my new friends in Chicago and my previous friends in Hong Kong are having some problems of relationship with me. The biggest obstacles for me is now I am losing contact with old friends in Hong Kong, I am finding it hard to meet new friends and having even more difficulties building strong relationships.

        My friends in Hong Kong and I are becoming more careless in our lives. We rarely contact each other even on the internet where it is very convenient to see each face to face. The reason is I have my own life, and they have their own lives. While I am doing my homework, they may have their own working pressure. They may share their problem with their friends who are near them instead of me. It is like one circle gradually separating to two different circles. They are not connecting to each other anymore. Another reason is we have no more personal meeting although we can meet via the internet. However, I think a personal meeting is much better than a internet meeting. For example, our favorite activities were having drinks in the bar when I was in Hong Kong, but who will having the drinks on a internet meeting?

        I have tried to meet new friends and build new relationships in Chicago, but I feel that is not an easy thing for me. Some people always say Chinese people are too shy. Yes, I agree, because I am a really shy person. As a ESL student, I am in a class with people from other countries who speak other languages and have other cultures. They seem strange for me, so I rarely talk to them in class. In addition, American college is a place to study not to meet friends in my view. Students can choose their own classes. Therefore, there can be totally different classmate from chemistry to math. People just do their own work without any communication. The best example is my math class. We come to class, listen studiously an then leave quickly. I have not talked to anyone during the class. It is like I am on my own little island.

        Although I have met some new friends, it is still difficult for me to build strong relationships in Chicago. I think my way to build strong relationship is to spend quality time alone with them. When I was in Hong Kong, I spent almost every night alone with them because Hong Kong has a great night life. People go out at night, and the shops always close at midnight. But it is not possible in Chicago now because I don't know where to go with friends, and I have never gone out at night with them. Moreover, similar sports and hobbies are one of the main factors building strong relationships. But in Chicago, it is not easy to find a friend who has the same hobby with me. At least, I have not found any friends who would like to travel with me to Japan.

        In conclusion, I have lost most of my great moments with my friends since I came to United States, including my old friends in Hong Kong and my new friends in Chicago. I am having such a hard time in this new place not speaking my native language, but I do not think this is such a bad thing. I believe that I will get though it soon, and that I will have a better and easier time meeting friend as the months progress.